Two men, 18 and 20. One night. One house. One king size bed. Alone, with only each other for companionship. What did they do you might ask? Let’s leave that up to your imagination.
Oh you know me too well to leave that to your imagination, cause who knows what you might think? You might be thinking that we dressed up in little red and blue plaid dresses and put on blond wigs and went around like Swedish field girls going door to door saying, “Trick or Treat!” to perfect strangers on the 14th of June. If this is what you were thinking, not only are you a sick twisted filthy disgusting perverted creep, but you are also 100% correct in your assessment of our actions, however it was not the 14th but rather the 21st that we did this on, so you would still be incorrect. If you have no idea what the fuck I am talking about, then congratulations—you are a heathen and will be smoted by the God almighty which is commonly referred to as Ronald McDonald.
Thank you for actually reading this far into the post, but because I do not like to award over-achievers because they are pricks, I would like to take this opportunity to say to you that I hate people like you and you deserve to rot a gutter somewhere. But now I give you to your host, Billy Joel.
“Hello there I would like to thank you and tell you about my new product that My agent and ‘Preparation H’ have put together. It’s called ‘Preparation BJ.’ And that’s why today I am going to show you just how to apply this brand new …”
Sorry about that but Mr. Joel deviated from the original script so we were forced to shoot him. Do not worry we shot him in the groin so he will not scar the face of the planet with anymore of his offspring. He will be quite alright…in four to seven months. So all you big fans out there, don’t worry, he will still make his 2013 World Tour that you already have bought tickets to.
But now to something complete different.
Shawn is masturbating on the floor in front of me.
So the 14th was Shawn’s Birthday. I was able to get off from work early. Yes I said “get off” you sick pervert. I came back to my grandmother’s house, fed the dogs, ate a Marie Callanders Chicken Pot Pie. And left to go wrap Shawn’s wonderful presents that I had bought him the week before. Being that I had to be back at work at 7:20 in the morning the plan was to leave Shawn’s house and then once again travel the distance to my grandparents’ home to spend the night. However those plans were quickly changed to better suit Shawn’s demanding nature. It was decided that Shawn would accompany me back to my grandparents’ house and spend the night, after a walk in the forest in which my grandparents’ house is located. We arrived and Shawn met the dogs. He opened his presents that included but not limited too Legos, Naughty Gummies, and a treasure map/Birthday card in a beer bottle—one that just happened to be sitting in my trunk…you know for no apparent reason. Don’t get too jumpy. Then we went for a fantastic walk through the woods at 10 in the evening. We humored ourselves by trying to scare the other. I particularly was partial to throwing sticks and rocks down into the trees below while Shawn wasn’t looking thus convincing him there was some sort of beast tracking us. Stealing his flashlight and running off with it worked too.
We returned and slept in COMPLETELY SEPARATE BEDS, I swear on your life. Fortunately nobody reads this godforsaken blog and therefore I’m not risking anyone’s life. And even if someone reads this blog, it would be surprising if they had actually read this far into this particularly dreadful post—being that it mostly makes no sense whatsoever.
I will end this post with three particularly wonderful quotes that basically sums up that night in a nutshell.
1)
“What does this have to do with what we are talking about?” -Shawn
“I like Dragons.” -Alex
2)
“Will you help me find my penis!?” –Shawn about his gummies
3)
“Take my pants off!” -me referring to my extra pair of pants that Shawn had stolen and was then wearing.
