You Know You Are From Portland, OR When...

You think people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both.

You can recount more than five anecdotes about why the East Side is a crime-infested jungle
... OR ...
You can list more than five reasons why the West Side is a boring, snobby, white-bread suburb.

You know what it is in between the East Side and the West Side, and how to pronounce it.

You are sitting at a red light surrounded by Subaru Legacy Outbacks.

You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty.

You can list five reasons why Starbucks is evil.

You consider something a "hill" (not a mountain) if it doesn't have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude.

Know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

You return from a California vacation depressed because “all the grass was dead.”

You never go camping without waterproof matches, ponchos, and mattress pads that double as flotation devices.

You believe swimming is not a sport but a survival skill

You can go a whole week without seeing the sun or a person of color.

You have a bookstore, coffee bar, and brewpub all within walking distance of your house.

You think downtown is scary 'cause you were panhandled there ... once.

When you drive out of town, even the Hondas have gun racks. (not true but funny nonetheless)